


Never Be Satisfied

by hmweasley



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anniversary, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, F/M, Hamilton Lyrics, M/M, One-sided Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks - Freeform, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23998519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hmweasley/pseuds/hmweasley
Summary: Tonks doesn't want to attend Remus and Sirius' anniversary party, but she doesn't feel like she has much choice in the matter.
Relationships: Hermione Granger & Nymphadora Tonks & Ginny Weasley, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 44





	Never Be Satisfied

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Elizabeth and Lyrrie for beta reading.
> 
> Prompts:  
> Write about unrequited feelings.  
> Use lyrics from Satisfied from Hamilton.  
> Write about a couple's anniversary.

Noise from the boisterous party in the kitchen drifted up to the ground floor of Grimmauld Place as Tonks carefully treaded down the dark hallway. Mrs Black’s portrait grumbled but didn’t otherwise stir as Tonks passed, eyeing it distrustfully. Though she could hear everyone, the muted laughter apparently wasn’t enough to set the portrait off.

Stopping right outside the kitchen door, Tonks took a deep breath. She’d been building herself up for the party all day, but it hadn’t done a shred of good.

It hadn’t been that long since she’d joined the Order of the Phoenix, but Tonks already had a reputation as being someone who was energized by being around others. She was an extrovert through and through. No one would suspect her of turning down a party, and usually, they would be correct.

But this party was different for reasons she couldn’t reveal to anyone except herself.

She plastered a smile on her face as she opened the door. Ginny and Hermione, who were standing not far from the door, were the first to notice her. They seemed to have been waiting for her arrival, and Tonks’ smile grew genuine as she chatted with the girls. They were due back at Hogwarts in less than a week’s time, so this was as much a last hurrah of summer for them as it was an anniversary party.

It was easy to talk with them. Their primary concerns—excluding Voldemort—were the objects of their affection, both of whom were somewhat oblivious, it seemed. Tonks could easily immerse herself in their own struggles and forget about her own. For a while, the party was nothing more than a fun night spent with friends, and that was easy to handle.

Of course, she couldn’t stand with Ginny and Hermione for the entire party. The others noticed that she’d arrived soon enough, and Remus was too polite not to greet one of his guests.

Ginny and Hermione went to speak to Harry about packing for school, a conversation starter Hermione and Tonks had carefully designed to get him talking to Ginny.

They’d only been gone a second when Remus made his way over to her. Tonks’ smile grew strained as he approached. Her heart skipped a beat as she looked at his intelligent eyes in a hunger-pang frame that always captivated her when he was around.

“You made it!” he said with a bright smile.

The occasion was doing wonders for his complexion. His face had more colour than Tonks had ever seen on him before, which only made everything worse.

She took the butterbeer he offered her, and they clinked their bottles together before both taking a sip. Tonks was thankful to have something to occupy her hands. Absentmindedly, she began tapping against the glass with the tips of her fingers.

“Of course I made it,” she said. “I told you that I wouldn’t miss it.”

“Yes, I know,” Remus said. “But we know how busy you are between the Order and the Ministry. We wouldn’t have blamed you if you weren’t able to make it. You could probably use a good night’s rest.”

And perhaps she could have used that excuse, but it had felt fake even to her own ears when she’d practiced excuses in the mirror at home. Staying home would have been something akin to defeat, and Tonks wasn’t good at handling defeat.

“I’d rather be here,” she said with a shrug. “It gets too quiet at home.”

Remus nodded, the look on his face one of complete understanding. Tonks wanted to ask if he had ever felt the same way, but Sirius’ laughter rang through the room, and Remus turned to him as if he was being pulled by a magnet. His smile grew soft as he watched his boyfriend, and Tonks raised her butterbeer to her lips to hide her frown. She averted her gaze, suddenly feeling as if she was interrupting something intimate.

“Happy anniversary,” she said louder than was probably appropriate, hoping to draw his attention back to her.

Only because it was awkward to stand there while he stared. It definitely wasn’t because of jealousy, she told herself.

“Thank you,” he said, his cheeks turning a light pink. “It’s still surreal to have him back, you know? He was in Azkaban for so long… And I thought the worst while he was in there.”

Tonks sighed as his gaze travelled to Sirius again.

They really were great for each other. Tonks wasn’t so far gone that she couldn’t acknowledge that. They were happier when they were with each other. Remus was the only person who chased away the demons that hung around Sirius after his imprisonment, and only Sirius made Remus smile in the way that lit up his face the way Tonks loved most.

Yes, Sirius was perfect for Remus, but that didn’t mean she wanted him any less. It didn’t stop her from fantasizing about his eyes at night or wondering what might have happened if things had happened differently.

Remus pulled himself out of his own thoughts and looked back at Tonks with a sheepish smile. Tonks grinned in return, shaking her head as if his fascination with Sirius was something that merely amused her like it might any of the other people in the room.

“How is work?” he asked, his cheeks the lightest shade of pink.

Tonks shrugged. Work had been ridiculous since the Ministry had begun denying Voldemort’s return. In any other situation, Tonks would have had plenty to rant about, but she couldn’t find it in herself to discuss any of that with Remus at that moment.

“The same as usual,” she said. “Nothing will change until You-Know-Who dances the merengue in front of the Minister. Fudge won’t see reason, and Scrimgeour doesn’t want to rock the boat.”

Remus frowned and took a sip of his butterbeer.

“Is Scrimgeour still on you and Kingsley’s backs about finding Sirius?” he asked.

Tonks laughed and tossed her own glance towards her cousin, who was chatting enthusiastically with Kingsley while gesturing wildly with his hands.

“Of course,” she said. “He thinks capturing Sirius Black would be the highlight of his career. It would be enough to secure him a spot as the next Minister whenever Fudge is ousted for being incompetent.”

“It probably would be enough,” Remus said with a scowl.

Tonks couldn’t resist the urge to reach out and place a hand on his arm. She regretted it the second she touched him. She hadn’t thought the action through, and it was dangerous. It felt like he might read her mind through the touch of their skin. He couldn’t, of course. She reminded herself as much as she gave his arm a squeeze and released it quickly.

“No one will ever capture Sirius,” she said quickly, hoping to make him forget about the moment. “Neither Kingsley nor I would ever let that happen.”

There was a genuine fire in her voice, and her posture straightened when Remus smiled at her with a spark in his eye.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice full of emotion.

Tonks’ heart skipped a beat. She opened her mouth to say something more but was interrupted by Sirius sliding into Remus’ side and wrapping an arm around his waist. Remus leaned into the embrace as if it was second nature. Tonks forced herself to look at their faces and not the places where their bodies touched.

“The two of you have been standing over here for ages,” Sirius whined. “Don’t you know that I need some of your attention, Moony?”

Tonks’ cheeks warmed, but Remus laughed, patting Sirius on the chest.

“My attention isn't a competition, Padfoot. We’re the ones throwing the party. We have to talk to everyone.”

It wasn’t meant to be an insult to her, but it was still an unpleasant reminder that their conversation didn’t mean as much to Remus as it did to Tonks. And her heart sank all the same.

The couple’s banter went back-and-forth as Tonks watched with a fake smile plastered on her lips.

Outside, a war was brewing. It wouldn’t be long until the Ministry learned the truth, and by then, their lives would be in even more danger. There was no way to predict the future, who would live and who would die, but Tonks knew one thing for sure: She would never be satisfied.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on [Tumblr](http://madetofly.tumblr.com) if you'd like.


End file.
